For some people’s their reversion is like their “salvation”. It wasn’t like that for me. For me, when I was growing up in finishing school I went through a troubling time both as a Christian and just as a person in general. I didn’t really bank on religion. I was in a really bad relationship with both my parents and I didn’t really talk to most of my family members, I was in a pretty rough spot, but at that point I didn’t search for anything. I was agnostic for a while and at that point in time I didn’t want a religion to define me. That was just my spiritual journey. I didn’t feel like I needed that at the time because I was already going through so much drama, so much trouble that I just took a break from everything, literally everything. Parents, friends, everything. I was ghosting for a while just to figure myself out. Sometimes you need that. Sometimes I need to be me by myself, alone, to process how I am. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, I was asking myself all these questions about my existence, myself, my faith, my strengths, my weaknesses, I literally questioned everything about myself in that one year. Then I studied religious education at finishing school and becae quite interested in the different religions. I knew everything about Christianity already but I looked into Hinduism, I visited mosques and synagogues. I asked a lot of questions. Islam really appealed to me, so I did another year of research and was like “ok so this is why they do this, and this is why this is healthier than this and this is why they fast, and this is why they pray five times a day, and this is why they don’t listen to music”. Being from the Caribbean I grew up with music being a big part of the culture but I understood why in Islam, regardless of where you’re from, music isn’t accepted because it does distract you. There were times when I was going through that challenging time when I just engulfed myself in music because I thought that was a way of processing but it was just avoiding the problems and hiding from what needed to be processed. I asked a lot of questions, but I also did this with other religion. I’d write down some questions and figure out which religion gave me all the answers. One time I asked a priest “why do we come to confess to you instead of praying and confessing to God?” and he didn’t give me a straight answer. That really affected me because I used to go to confessions every 4:30 on a Wednesday, every Wednesday, and I would confess my sins end up continuing to feel bad like I hadn’t been forgiven for it and wondering why I was doing it. In Islam you shouldn’t confess your sins to anybody else, you should process them and ask God for forgiveness, because at the end of the day, it’s only God that’s able to forgive you. It wasn’t only that one priest, though, and it wasn’t only that one question, I went to others with more questions but in the end I gave up. After that process I had to then make a decision about whether or not to convert. Before I converted I wanted to try the hijab to know if I’d have the courage to wear it, because when I do something I want to do it wholeheartedly. I’d only have it on around sisters so I could get a feel for how they do it, and they accepted it. They did my first hijab for me, I didn’t know where the pin went and I kept poking myself in the head. I remember it being such a struggle. And then one day and I asked “guys, what would you think if I was a Muslim” and they hugged me! I got accepted by them really quickly. They were the first people to find out, they knew before my mum. When I sat down and told my mum she walked out the room. She was like that for a while and I spent a whole year breaking her down because if my mum doesn’t accept it, it makes it harder for me to accept because I feel like I’m doing something wrong After a couple of arguments I told her “mum, this is what I want to do, regardless, I know it’s going to be a struggle for me. Can you imagine how I’m going to feel about it?” and then she softened up a little. I used to have to sneak into her room to pray because I live in a tiny room and there’s not always enough space. It caused arguments a couple of times, but eventually she offered to let me use it.